❆⊱╮It really seems life begins at the end of your comfort zone. Whilst other quotes say that the most unforgettable moment in life, academically speaking, is high school, it's college for me. Maybe its just a lot has happened in 2011-2012 --the unexpected loss of a loved one (being most tragic), and failing 50% of my load last semester. I myself was shocked at what happened. Was I despressed? Am I stupid? Not intelligent enough? I passed the UPCAT, so maybe not that. Purely unfortunate? Questions arise. This post is about a series of events that happened when I was really down. Quite pretty long, but do read on if you'd like to hear an insightful story, a kind that any student may or may not typically experience. Anyway, it's Holy Week. A time where we look back at ourselves, reflect, and check our belief onto Him.
❆⊱╮I only have four subjects then: 1 passed, 1 failed and another two for removals. The failed subject that I understood; most of the time my learning capability is greatly affected by the professor teaching it. I know it's unreasonable, but that's me. Then the first one for removals I thought was okay, --okay, let's call the subject for removals A & B-- even though I always get passing or perfect scores in quizzes and exams, I always arrive late. Again, I know its unreasonable excuse for habitual tardiness, but hey, I live 2-3 hours of commune from school. For sure no one can predict when there would be super-heavy traffic, or accidents, or parades on fiestas. Anyway, no problemo, I passed the removal exam. For B, I was quizzed. That was my most sure passed subject, it's chem for godssake! The subject I truly loved since birth! Okay, that was exaggerating.. There were only five of us given chance for removals and it's not that I'm big-headed, I know my capacity's higher. We also reviewed a few minutes beforehand, me answering their questions. Exam period came and went --and I failed. I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO FAILED. Same exam as our finals, same reviewer. How's that for a hard smack in the face?
❆⊱╮I vaguely remembered contacting my professor in vain, that there must've been a mistake, or my paper was lost, etc. He never replied. I was desperate as having 50% failure of semestral load means being kicked out of the Medical Technology programme. But I only have one semester left before internship! Who would have the heart of shifting courses when you only have 6 months left and had endured 3 years? It was hard telling my mom. I even texted her to go into my room when she got home from work. I was ashamed, crying, disheartened. God, I love my mom so much (Dang, I'm in tears again at this very moment). As per advised, I talked to the department head, tried to convince and reason out that I must be accepted still for the programme. It took several days --she thought it was my second probation! I explained otherwise as I only gave support to my friends before whom same case happened. That that was the reason she's been seeing me in the department every start of semester. That if my batchmates were given chance before, why not me? ALL IS WELL INDEED.
❆⊱╮I was accepted, but on the condition I only take the subjects I failed, enter the Star Program and never miss a consultation, and not fail nor drop a single subject at the end of the term. Otherwise, adios amigos~
❆⊱╮The semester started.. Prelims was outstanding. I was aiming not for passing, but perfect scores. I leave home earlier. At the end of the preliminaries, I'm homebound right after the last exam. I noticed something not right. I was walking towards the bus station, a pretty long walk along a not-so-nice environment, but manageable as I'm used to it. Upon seating at the waiting area, I noticed I couldn't relax. I was sweating continuously, which was highly unusual; I hardly break a sweat after a few minutes of walking. I couldn't relax, feeling faint, short breaths, with a thirst I couldn't quench. Sh*t. If I passed out here, who would help? I might end up robbed instead. And, that urge to empty my bowel. Thinking that was just it, I left and rushed to my aunt's place which was a jeep ride away. All the way worrying, on the verge of tears. I decided to stay overnight. The next day, same thing --anxiety, that urge-- and I was crying, for no reason. I was crying the whole way. Since I'm on the faster but two-bus route home, I decided I couldn't take it anymore. I dropped by at a relative's, halfway home, and waited for my mom to fetch me after work. It was Christmas vacation then, so at one point we had to go to our family reunions. That day, dad's here and would be driving so I had to sit at the back. Immediately after out car passed the gate, I got really frantic, silent bursting sobs which I couldn't stop. Told them I couldn't make it, won't endure the 4-hour drive. Same thing again, so they took me home.
❆⊱╮That whole vacation, I didn't go for a check-up as I thought it would pass, assumed it was only psychological. Start of school and yes, same thing. Every time I'm out of the house, my body's in haywire. A week I spent for check-ups which my doctor confirmed as hyperthyroidism, nothing to be scared of, curable. My thyroid hormones are elevated, but not so as much that she advised only a bowel/digestion regulator and multivitamins. Since it's a hormonal disease, it won't be cured in an instant. I had skipped quite many classes, missed quizzes, so there, one of my subject plummeted down for midterms. A lot of hours of commune spent crying. There was a time when an action movie was playing, instead of showing amusement, yes, I cried. I bet some passengers assumed I was brokenhearted, and some konduktors not knowing what to do with that crying lady passenger. At least, I did real good in the preliminaries and would pull my grade on passing.
❆⊱╮Several months, final period, irritating discomfort gone.. I am so very back on track! The previous meetings of the Star Program were just paperwork --surveys, Q&A, psychological exam. Last week of February's scheduled for family counseling (thank God I have a very supportive mother). I didn't expect all I've answered before would be shown to her! Some of the sets were written when I was still sick thus the quick short, straight to the point answers (some, in hilarious informal English). Psychological test pretty much truthfully showed my previous state: uncontrollable anxiety. And I didn't expect there was also an IQ test enclosed in the PT, and *drum rolls*, result was superior! I got giddy then and commented, "Oh, my mind's superior so that must mean there's something wrong with the psychological test. Most psychotic people (as I've read from my favourite novels) think their mind's most superior from others, right?". Laughter + mom's unexpected smack in the head. Then I shared my problems aside from what was previously known. I've had problems with stereotypes, or stereotyping, rather. It is not only committed between students but of professors as well. There was a time when a professor boldly told me as an example in a sentence as "always hanging out at a bar" wherein I denied and corrected as "at the library"; I am not a party-maniac, it is not enough reason to assume with how I make myself presentable per se, it is very disappointing. No one can deny that sometimes your grades are affected depending on how you professor see you for who you are. Thank you, Ms. MC, you've somehow brought back that self-esteem, that trust I had on myself that was lost a year ago (almost there); and for all those advices you gave, for listening.. Thank you.
❆⊱╮Finals week.. One word. HARDCORE. Full of case studies, computations. Bear in mind that the only formula I know of was the Henderson-Hasselbalch equation. Sh*tness. After which the promotion board Monday the next week (it is when participating professors/department evaluate each student in the programme), the results posted at the end of the day. My official schooldays are over by March 13th. I had to endure about 5 days of anxiety. I almost thought my hyperthyroidism would be back! I am not allowed to flunk any subject. I was anxious of CC2 (Clinical Chemistry 2), which I excelled on prelims, plummeted on midterms and did about average on finals (I think). Who wouldn't be anxious to the death of them? Add the final exam that could literally cause a brain hemorrhage whilst answering --much more you do not have a calculator? I suppose not even any engineer could compute a value with logarithm manually, right? Oh, thank you classmate, for letting me borrow yours discreetly. Fortunately, I survived the wait. Braced myself for the good news. Yes, I took an oath to be always optimistic. Sometimes, I think the "Secret" is indeed true that the universe conspires with what you think. I PASSED! I must've prayed too loud and God heard me (or maybe he got annoyed with the noise I've been doing for months). Thank you! I swear I could hug my professors and the previous ones I missed and our ever strict department head. Thank you! And my grades are above average. Nuay pasang-awa. Can't wait to see you all in a few days. But these feelings arrived late, I wasn't too overjoyed that evening. Some of my friends still had removals, pending decisions for their future. Wished them luck, advised to study hard, have faith and included them in my prayers. Unfortunately, two are in the same state as I was a year ago. Hopefully, they'll be accepted again (it's their second time). There's only one semester left. Have faith on Him, but do not put everything upon Him; have utmost faith onto yourself as well, always exert your very best. Do good and surely, you will be rewarded. ❤
PS. Sorry, my rant's too long. But to make up for it, here's an inspiring, must mention tear-inducing song and project by Maroon5. Hey dude, why hate cats? They're sweet. Enjoy, smile. :)
❆⊱╮I only have four subjects then: 1 passed, 1 failed and another two for removals. The failed subject that I understood; most of the time my learning capability is greatly affected by the professor teaching it. I know it's unreasonable, but that's me. Then the first one for removals I thought was okay, --okay, let's call the subject for removals A & B-- even though I always get passing or perfect scores in quizzes and exams, I always arrive late. Again, I know its unreasonable excuse for habitual tardiness, but hey, I live 2-3 hours of commune from school. For sure no one can predict when there would be super-heavy traffic, or accidents, or parades on fiestas. Anyway, no problemo, I passed the removal exam. For B, I was quizzed. That was my most sure passed subject, it's chem for godssake! The subject I truly loved since birth! Okay, that was exaggerating.. There were only five of us given chance for removals and it's not that I'm big-headed, I know my capacity's higher. We also reviewed a few minutes beforehand, me answering their questions. Exam period came and went --and I failed. I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO FAILED. Same exam as our finals, same reviewer. How's that for a hard smack in the face?
❆⊱╮I vaguely remembered contacting my professor in vain, that there must've been a mistake, or my paper was lost, etc. He never replied. I was desperate as having 50% failure of semestral load means being kicked out of the Medical Technology programme. But I only have one semester left before internship! Who would have the heart of shifting courses when you only have 6 months left and had endured 3 years? It was hard telling my mom. I even texted her to go into my room when she got home from work. I was ashamed, crying, disheartened. God, I love my mom so much (Dang, I'm in tears again at this very moment). As per advised, I talked to the department head, tried to convince and reason out that I must be accepted still for the programme. It took several days --she thought it was my second probation! I explained otherwise as I only gave support to my friends before whom same case happened. That that was the reason she's been seeing me in the department every start of semester. That if my batchmates were given chance before, why not me? ALL IS WELL INDEED.
❆⊱╮I was accepted, but on the condition I only take the subjects I failed, enter the Star Program and never miss a consultation, and not fail nor drop a single subject at the end of the term. Otherwise, adios amigos~
❆⊱╮The semester started.. Prelims was outstanding. I was aiming not for passing, but perfect scores. I leave home earlier. At the end of the preliminaries, I'm homebound right after the last exam. I noticed something not right. I was walking towards the bus station, a pretty long walk along a not-so-nice environment, but manageable as I'm used to it. Upon seating at the waiting area, I noticed I couldn't relax. I was sweating continuously, which was highly unusual; I hardly break a sweat after a few minutes of walking. I couldn't relax, feeling faint, short breaths, with a thirst I couldn't quench. Sh*t. If I passed out here, who would help? I might end up robbed instead. And, that urge to empty my bowel. Thinking that was just it, I left and rushed to my aunt's place which was a jeep ride away. All the way worrying, on the verge of tears. I decided to stay overnight. The next day, same thing --anxiety, that urge-- and I was crying, for no reason. I was crying the whole way. Since I'm on the faster but two-bus route home, I decided I couldn't take it anymore. I dropped by at a relative's, halfway home, and waited for my mom to fetch me after work. It was Christmas vacation then, so at one point we had to go to our family reunions. That day, dad's here and would be driving so I had to sit at the back. Immediately after out car passed the gate, I got really frantic, silent bursting sobs which I couldn't stop. Told them I couldn't make it, won't endure the 4-hour drive. Same thing again, so they took me home.
❆⊱╮That whole vacation, I didn't go for a check-up as I thought it would pass, assumed it was only psychological. Start of school and yes, same thing. Every time I'm out of the house, my body's in haywire. A week I spent for check-ups which my doctor confirmed as hyperthyroidism, nothing to be scared of, curable. My thyroid hormones are elevated, but not so as much that she advised only a bowel/digestion regulator and multivitamins. Since it's a hormonal disease, it won't be cured in an instant. I had skipped quite many classes, missed quizzes, so there, one of my subject plummeted down for midterms. A lot of hours of commune spent crying. There was a time when an action movie was playing, instead of showing amusement, yes, I cried. I bet some passengers assumed I was brokenhearted, and some konduktors not knowing what to do with that crying lady passenger. At least, I did real good in the preliminaries and would pull my grade on passing.
❆⊱╮Several months, final period, irritating discomfort gone.. I am so very back on track! The previous meetings of the Star Program were just paperwork --surveys, Q&A, psychological exam. Last week of February's scheduled for family counseling (thank God I have a very supportive mother). I didn't expect all I've answered before would be shown to her! Some of the sets were written when I was still sick thus the quick short, straight to the point answers (some, in hilarious informal English). Psychological test pretty much truthfully showed my previous state: uncontrollable anxiety. And I didn't expect there was also an IQ test enclosed in the PT, and *drum rolls*, result was superior! I got giddy then and commented, "Oh, my mind's superior so that must mean there's something wrong with the psychological test. Most psychotic people (as I've read from my favourite novels) think their mind's most superior from others, right?". Laughter + mom's unexpected smack in the head. Then I shared my problems aside from what was previously known. I've had problems with stereotypes, or stereotyping, rather. It is not only committed between students but of professors as well. There was a time when a professor boldly told me as an example in a sentence as "always hanging out at a bar" wherein I denied and corrected as "at the library"; I am not a party-maniac, it is not enough reason to assume with how I make myself presentable per se, it is very disappointing. No one can deny that sometimes your grades are affected depending on how you professor see you for who you are. Thank you, Ms. MC, you've somehow brought back that self-esteem, that trust I had on myself that was lost a year ago (almost there); and for all those advices you gave, for listening.. Thank you.
❆⊱╮Finals week.. One word. HARDCORE. Full of case studies, computations. Bear in mind that the only formula I know of was the Henderson-Hasselbalch equation. Sh*tness. After which the promotion board Monday the next week (it is when participating professors/department evaluate each student in the programme), the results posted at the end of the day. My official schooldays are over by March 13th. I had to endure about 5 days of anxiety. I almost thought my hyperthyroidism would be back! I am not allowed to flunk any subject. I was anxious of CC2 (Clinical Chemistry 2), which I excelled on prelims, plummeted on midterms and did about average on finals (I think). Who wouldn't be anxious to the death of them? Add the final exam that could literally cause a brain hemorrhage whilst answering --much more you do not have a calculator? I suppose not even any engineer could compute a value with logarithm manually, right? Oh, thank you classmate, for letting me borrow yours discreetly. Fortunately, I survived the wait. Braced myself for the good news. Yes, I took an oath to be always optimistic. Sometimes, I think the "Secret" is indeed true that the universe conspires with what you think. I PASSED! I must've prayed too loud and God heard me (or maybe he got annoyed with the noise I've been doing for months). Thank you! I swear I could hug my professors and the previous ones I missed and our ever strict department head. Thank you! And my grades are above average. Nuay pasang-awa. Can't wait to see you all in a few days. But these feelings arrived late, I wasn't too overjoyed that evening. Some of my friends still had removals, pending decisions for their future. Wished them luck, advised to study hard, have faith and included them in my prayers. Unfortunately, two are in the same state as I was a year ago. Hopefully, they'll be accepted again (it's their second time). There's only one semester left. Have faith on Him, but do not put everything upon Him; have utmost faith onto yourself as well, always exert your very best. Do good and surely, you will be rewarded. ❤
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